Many times the path we find ourselves on is almost forced. It is just the way it was supposed to be. Reflecting back I can’t say I have been standing at the decision making point and been more indecisive than I am now.
Life ‘fork’ I am facing now:
To have another kid, or to stay with an only child? (I do realize all things that need to align between now and 9 or so months). But, do we try?
What Brooklyn has brought to my life is something that I have only heard others describe but never felt, until now. Crazy amounts of pride, happiness, excitement, laughs, tears, fear, anxiety, responsibility…list goes on and on. I often say she is the best thing I have done with my life so far. I love that little face.
Rewind pre-Brooklyn and Dom and I were, and still very much are, ACTIVE. We love to travel, eat at new restaurants, meet friends for drinks, catch movies, have BBQ’s, just LIVE. Even now we are both very good about giving each other the time to ourselves, with friends, being social, and then bringing Brooklyn along where we can. This past weekend we survived a CRAZY beach trip with the most amazing, CRAZY friends. We managed to be adults and parents all in one weekend. I love it. I love being surrounded by our friends and family, often, and I love to get Brooklyn out there. Girl already has a passport. Awesome.
I also have a career. I work, and I like it. I thrive at being good at what I do, and while I sometimes don’t always love the schedule it’s what I do. I struggle though with the thought of someone else watching my baby 40+ hours a week but I know I am her MOTHER. And, I work to give her the things I want to give her. To teach her things, take her places, provide for her.
I realize some people don’t even get to make this choice, so in recognizing that I can say that I am very grateful.
But how much does one more kiddo change things?
What I can’t seem to wrap my head around is Brooklyn being alone through her childhood. No brother or sister to run down the stairs Christmas morning screaming “SANTA CAME!!!” Taking vacations, no one to snuggle in bed next to her full of excitement for the journies ahead. No one to call and bitch about mom and dad to. I have two brothers and we are extremely close, they mean everything to me. No one to compete with her, no one for her to protect and be big sister to, it all just seems so lonely. But, that being said too I know plenty of people that have one child and they are doing just fine.
We’re at that fork in the road. I know that I’ll make the right choice, or as most things in life, with faith it will get made for me. Definitely looking for a sign…